Just a few things, before I sleep:

-First off, by the sounds of it, there is a man digging a grave in the empty lot 4 feet from my open window.  Excuse me sir-it's a little late to be digging in gravel, and you're scaring the shit out of me. (so if no one ever hears from me, he climbed in and killed me with is shovel. oh, and i think he's a gimp, so there's that to go on)

-Secondly, I am a poor poor packer. I have officially found half of everything I've looked for, and all of my Texas photos are in Texas, not here with me. Very convenient. I also managed to leave all of my back up dvd's in Tx.  Probably sitting next to my Canadian Whiskey, data cable, power cord, missing shoe, and my shampoo. 

In summation, creepy man may kill me tonight (i love you all, cremate my body) and there will be no photo updates (unless we count photobooth) until well into 2008. Way to go out with a great showin.

Happy New Years Eve!

Acts of Love
If endear is earned

and is meant to identify

two halves

then it composes

one meaning

which means

a token

a knot

a note

a noting in the head

of how it feels

to have your heart

be the dear one

guess what i got for jesus's birthday

it's either a dog, a twin, or a macbook pro. hmmmmm....

Please.

Can we be leaving now.

We like bus trips, remember. Together

we could watch those winter fields slip past, and

never care again,

think of it.

I don't have to be anywhere.

i will kiss your cool bark

and hug you safe and tight

just as your mother would,

only don't be afraid

"Give me some light!" cries Hamlet's

uncle midway through the murder

of Gonzago. "Light! Light!" cry scattering

courtesans. Here, as in Denmark,

it's dark at four, and even the moon

shines with only half a heart.

Keep me fully glad with nothing. Only take my hand in your hand.
In the gloom of the deepening night take up my heart and play with it as you list. Bind me close to you with nothing.
I will spread myself out at your feet and lie still. Under this clouded sky I will meet silence with silence. I will become one with the night clasping the earth in my breast.
Make my life glad with nothing.

find me?

It is hard to believe it has been 5 months! (didn't I just get here?)
Farewell to my favorite Monday place for floor sweeping & wall painting, Women & Their Work Gallery... but just for a while.
(that sounds like a threat, but it's not I swear!)

looking for a throat transplant, if there are any donors available........

In the field is a house

of wood. A window of the house

contains the field.

You can't see far

with a sun in the sky,

with a living-room lamp

at night. Locality is all

you light, and you, as single

as a bed. But there's

no end to dark. The bed is in the clearing

and the clearing's in the wind; the world

is a world among others. Now your cell-stars split.

I turn to my Rand McNally Atlas.

Europe appears right after the Map of the World.

All of Italy can be seen page 9.

Half of Chile page 29.

I take out my ruler.

In global perspective Italy

amounts to less than half an inch.

Chile measures more than an inch and a quarter

of an inch.

Approximately

Chile is as long as China

is wide:

Back to the Atlas:

Chunk of China page 17.

All of France page 5: As we say in New York:

Who do France and Italy know

at Rand McNally?

when by now and tree by leaf

she laughed his joy she cried his grief

bird by snow and stir by still

anyone’s any was all to her

I am real, and I can't say who
I am. Ask me if I know, I'll say
yes, I might say no. Still, ask.

Numbers, Letters

If you're not home, where
are you? Where'd you go? What
were you doing when gone? When
you come back, better make it good.

Numbers, Letters Amiri Baraka

And now, each night I count the stars.
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.

Nobody sings anymore.

Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note Amiri Baraka

thanks to a friend's lit homework, i remembered how much i love this mans words.

all by all and deep by deep

and more by more they dream their sleep

noone and anyone earth by april

wish by spirit and if by yes.

...

Exhaustion is a last line of defense

where time either stops dead or kills you.

It teaches you to see what your eyes see

without questions, without the politics

of living in one city, dying in another.

How badly I would like to sleep now

in the shadows beside real things or beside

things that were real once, like the beaded gown

on the television, like the debut

of a song in New York in black and white

when my parents were there. I feel sometimes

my life was used up before I was born.
...

The Northeast Corridor, Donald Revell

Science—

beyond pheromones, hormones, aesthetics of bone,

every time I make love for love’s sake alone,

I betray you.

Love at Thirty-Two Degrees, Katherine Larson

It has already been one week, and I'm still so everlasting tired; I think this sleep will reach my bones one day and melt them straight out of my body. My brain and metaphorical heart are out of sync. And yet my feet keep moving, even when they should stay put. Even when they ache to be rested, but there's no rest for the weary, and there are many miles to go. Chin up, head up, walk tall, keep moving; all good advice in theory.

All night the sound had
come back again,
and again falls
this quiet, persistent rain.

What am I to myself
that must be remembered,
insisted upon
so often? Is it

that never the ease,
even the hardness,
of rain falling
will have for me

something other than this,
something not so insistent—
am I to be locked in this
final uneasiness.

Love, if you love me,
lie next to me.
Be for me, like rain,
the getting out

of the tiredness, the fatuousness, the semi-
lust of intentional indifference.
Be wet
with a decent happiness.

The Rain, Robert Creely

The Sun woke me this morning loud

and clear, saying “Hey! I've been

trying to wake you up for fifteen

minutes. Don’t be so rude, you are

only the second poet I’ve ever chosen

to speak to personally

so why

aren’t you more attentive? If I could

burn you through the window I would

to wake you up. I can't hang around

here all day.”

“Sorry, Sun, I stayed

up late last night talking to Hal.”

“When I woke up Mayakovsky he was

a lot more prompt” the Sun said

petulantly. “Most people are up

already waiting to see if I’m going

to put in an appearance.”

Frank O'Hara
A True Account of Talking to the Sun at Fire Island

last night my mother was a child, in my dream, surrounded by yellow roses and riding an enormous horse. this is as close as i can get to that feeling again.
next i may have to tackle the anxious dream i have about oceans and overpasses.

You say you want to feel
the words.

You just want to live in Boston
with the painter Martha McCollough.

Sure, I can imagine the thought
of an easel, the idea
of thick paint.

But I want you to explain it simply, clinically.

Because now that I've thought about it, what
doesn't begin with love and death and end
in lonliness?

the acrobat
solo, or even less than solo,
less, because he's crippled, missing,
missing wings,
missing them so much more
that he can't miss the chance
to soar on shamefully unfeathered
naked vigilance, alone.

How summer’s children turn

into fish and rain softens men

How the elements of summer

nights bid us to get down with each other

on the unplaned floor

And this feels painfully beautiful

whether or not

it will change the world one drop

c.d. wright Lake Echo, Dear

sweating in the sun
that melted
the wings' wax

unsignificantly
off the coast
there was

a splash quite unnoticed
this was
Icarus drowning

william carlos williams

True love. Is it really necessary?
Tact and common sense tell us to pass over it in silence,
like a scandal in Life's highest circles.
Perfectly good children are born without its help.
It couldn't populate the planet in a million years,
it comes along so rarely.

Returning Birds

This is not a dirge-- no, it's only indignation.
An angel made of earthbound protein,
a living kite with glands straight from the Song of Songs,
singular in air, without number in the hand,
its tissues tied into a common knot
of place and time, as in an Aristotelian drama
unfolding to the wings' applause,
falls down and lies beside a stone,
which in its own archaic, simpleminded way
sees life as a chain of failed attempts.

this one makes me think of you, colleen:

We were in the Safeway parking lot. I couldn’t find my cigarettes.
You said Hurry up! but I was worried there would be a holdup
and we would be stuck in a hostage situation, hiding behind
the frozen meats, with nothing to smoke for hours.
You said Don’t be silly,
so I followed you into the store.
We were thumping the melons when I heard somebody say Nobody move!
I leaned over and whispered in your ear I told you so.

it's not like a tree where the roots have to end somewhere,
it's more like a song on a policeman's radio,
how we rolled up the carpet so we could dance, and the days
were bright red, and everytime we kissed there was another apple
to slice into pieces.

An article at Poetry Foundation .org, When Yellow Ribbons and Flag Waving Aren't Enough, is as nonpolitical as you can get when speaking of war these days, but it has a strength that makes politics sounds silly in the end. An ex soldier's take on recent war poetry, eloquent and worth the read.

I was standing
on a northern corner.

Moonlit winter clouds the color of the desperation of wolves.

Proof
of Your existence? There is nothing
but.

Someone spoke to me last night,
told me the truth. Just a few words,
but I recognized it.

We find out the heart only by dismantling what
the heart knows. By redefining the morning,
we find a morning that comes just after darkness.
We can break through a marriage into a marriage.
By insisting on love we spoil it, get beyond
affection and wade mouth-deep into love.
We must unlearn the constellations to see the stars.
But going back toward childhood will not help.
...
Love is not enough. We die and are put in the earth forever.
We should insist while there is still time. We must
eat through the wilderness of her sweet body already
in our bed to reach the body within that body.

little lonely nights

on the bright side, i may have a paying job soon- but no one hold their breath...

the numbers
...I want to close my eyes and find a quiet field in fog, a few sheep moving towards a
fence.
I want to count them, I want them to end. I don't want to wonder
how many people are sitting in restaurants about to close down,
which of them will wander the sidewalks all night
while the pies revolve in the refrigerated dark.

An all-night barbeque. A dance on the courthouse lawn.
The radio aches a little tune that tells the story of what the night
is thinking. It's thinking of love.
It's thinking of stabbing us to death
and leaving our bodies in a dumpster.
That's a nice touch, stains in the night, whiskey and kisses for everyone.

I'm tired, I want to rest now.
I want to kiss the body of my lover, the one mouth, the simple name
without a shadow. Let me go. How many prayers
are there tonight, how many of us must stay awake and listen?

the numbers
How many nights have I lain here like this, feverish with plans,
with fears, with the last sentence someone spoke, still trying to finish
finish
a conversation already over? How many nights were wasted
in not sleeping,how many in sleep-- I don't know
how many hungers there are, how much radiance or salt, how many times
the world breaks apart, disintegrates to nothing and starts up again
in the course of an ordinary hour. I don't know how God can bear
seeing everything at once: the falling bodies, the monuments and the
burnings,
the lovers pacing the floors of how many locked hearts.
...

Love is apart from all things.
Desire and excitement are nothing beside it.
It is not the body that finds love.
What leads us there is the body.
What is not love provokes it.
What is not love quenches it.
Love lays hold of everything we know.
The passions which are called love
also change everything to a newness
at first. Passion is clearly the path
but it does not bring us to love.
It opens the castle of our spirit
so that we might find the love which is
a mystery hidden there.

Love is one of many great fires.
Passion is a fire made of many woods,
each of which give off its special odor
so we can know the many kinds
that are not love. Passion is the paper
and the twigs that kindle the flames
but cannot sustain them. Desire perishes
because it tries to be love.
Love is eaten away by appetite.
Love does not last, but it is different
from the passions that do not last.
Love lasts by not lasting.
Isiah said each man walks in his own fire
for his sins. Love allows us to walk
in the sweet music of our particular heart.

We're shooting the scene where I swallow your heart and you make me
spit it up again. I swallow your heart and it crawls
right out of my mouth.
You swallow my heart and flee, but I want it back now, baby. I want it back.
Lying on the sofa with my eyes closed, I didn't want to see it this way,
everything eating everything in the end.

Look at the light through the windowpane. That means it's noon, that means we're inconsolable.
Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.
These, our bodies, possessed by light.
Tell me we'll never get used to it.

prmk design from spring that i still love,
i still cannot believe i allowed my entire drawer to be trashed.
i am the worst mother.

hahaa, i like it that size...

goodnight texas....
my happiest wishes to an eastern coast

can this please be my wedding ring? ohh it's gorgeous, and she's got these really great sculptural rings on her site too- she calls them 'moving cage rings'. simply fantastic...
marianne anderson .co.uk

Big Bend